Random Thoughts

Now that I am home from work, I'm doing a lot of waiting. So much of the adoption process involves waiting. Everything is prepared...there is nothing we need for the first weeks of parenthood that we don't have, physically anyway. So here I am at home...everything is clean and organized and I have a lot of sitting around time that is being filled with knitting, reading and playing the harp. Preparing a nursery and your home for an adopted child is an exciting, though terrifying process. There is still plenty of time for the birthmother or even the birthfather in our case to change their minds. I read today in an adoptive parent magazine that 35% of parents adopting domestically experience at least one false start. I realize that I can't dwell on this but it is impossible to eradicate the thought from my mind completely. I don't really know what I would do were the adoption to fall through. I'm unemployed! Perhaps I should have stayed at my job until the baby is in our house...asked for a leave of absence and made it final after the period of legal risk was over. I feel as though everything has fallen into place with remarkable ease. The likelihood of any adoptive family getting an in-state, healthy caucasian newborn 6 months out of their homestudy is so slim...it almost seems too good to be true. I have been following other adoption blogs and feel for other would-be parents who have been waiting 2+ years. I can't even imagine.

Despite the fears that live in the back of my consiousness, I am confident that the adoption will progress successfully...all of the right signs are there. Most of my worry time is filled up with stupid questions like whether my in-laws allow me to use their washer to wash cloth diapers when we visit and what the easiest way to handle nighttime feedings is when you are bottle feeding breastmilk. Yes, I have decided to go with donated breastmilk. I have two wonderful people who offered to pump for me. I will likely have to supplement with some formula....which may be the answer to my nighttime feeding dilemma. I have mostly Dr. Brown's glass bottles and the 14 brushes necessary to clean them.

As some of you saw, I taught John how to put on a diaper last night:) Obviously, cloth can be a bit trickier so we took the time to practice prefolds using a snappi, fitteds and all-in-ones. He is happy that the changing pad has a buckle (see Lisa, told you!). I will have some standby Seventh Gen disposables for travel (the in-laws perhaps;) or emergencies but I want to get stated with cloth from the beginning so that I can't be seduced by the convenience of disposables! My stupid conscience is always on overdrive. I bought yards of flannel from JoAnn that I cut into reusable wipes.

John and I do not have a crib. When the baby grows out of the co-sleeper (can pull up, etc.) we plan to move him/her into the nursery which will be set up with an infant floor bed. It is a wooden frame that sits on the floor and fits a crib mattress. It has a cut-out like a toddler bed for the child to get out of bed. The room will be completely child-friendly and safe. Low shelves will be mounted to the wall with a few toys on them, there will be a pull-up bar with a safety mirror on the wall (like a ballet studio) and a gate at the door. The child will have complete access to this room at any time from the time he or she can crawl. Yes, it is a bold, brave move but it has been my dream for a long time and I have done my research. Imagine a child who can sit in her room and entertain herself instead of screaming from a crib when she wakes up...allowing you a little extra time in bed. I know it is idealistic and many of you are saying, "Yeah Tasha, just you wait! You'll wish you had that cage of a crib!" but, it's who I am and in line with my philosophy of child-rearing. My mom said that there were french doors on the room where my sister and I slept as toddlers and that she used to close the bottom half of the door and allow us to play independently when we woke up and occasionally throughout the day.

John and I have our names picked out and since it is not in my nature to keep things secret, I'll tell you all. Gabriel Lawrence has always been our boy name. We had more difficulty with our girl's name. We have nearly decided on Penelope Jane but we both also love the name Darcy. I constantly get negative feedback on that name (which is probably why I shouldn't share name ideas) but we just love it. If we have a girl we'll decide whether she looks more like a Penelope or a Darcy at the time. I keep assuming that we are having a girl...don't know why, just one of those things.

Well, + or - 2 more weeks of waiting. I wonder if the call will come in the middle of the night...I sleep with my cell phone next to me:) We should probably have a bag packed.

As a final note, I went to Babies R Us to pick up the 14 brushes that I need for the Dr. Brown's bottles and parked in the "expectant mother" parking spot right at the front. Yes I did, thank you:)