down and up and down and up

A few days ago we got the official notice that the birthmother mentioned in my previous post did not choose us. Somehow I thought it would have been too good to be true...for it to happen so soon and so close to home:/ Today, our social worker called to tell us that there is another birthmother looking at our album. She gave birth over the weekend to a healthy girl (african american) and will be making her decision over the next week. I reeeeeeeeeelly need to get a bassinet, a car seat and some formula bottles at the very least!!!! This uncertainty causes me to be less prepared than more somehow. We could have a baby next week. or not.

When is it okay to get one's hopes up?

So, the paperwork is in and we are now in the waiting stages of the adoption. We have four copies of our album that we have yet to send to Utah because life gets in the way of stuff. In this case, life got in the way of us remembering to make photocopies of our driver's licenses. Ugh. Then yesterday our social worker called us to tell us that a local birthmother was going to view our album at the agency. She will be looking at several albums but naturally our social worker will give ours a little push. The woman is due in JANUARY...that is next month if you can't do the math. She is carrying a girl who is half Caucasian, half African- American. Now, I like to think that this gives John and I an edge since Sonja (my sister) is married to Anthony (who is black) and theIir children are the same racial mix. I feel like I have lived a life in which the words, "try not to get your hopes up" have played a central roll. When is it okay to start getting one's hopes up? I reeeeeealy want to get my hopes up. I wasn't supposed to do it when I was pregnant because it was likely that I would miscarry (I did it anyhow). I want to plan and hope and daydream without the worries of heartbreak. So, yes, my hopes are up...and I can handle it. Now I should probably finish the "big clean" just in case. The house is gross: dog hair, cat hair, dishes, dust, clutter etc. I'll update soon.