Some of you have asked if we are registered. We are registered at Babies R Us under either of our names. There is not a whole lot on the list...we have a small house and people have been so generous with their hand-me-downs that we are well equipped. We love the Michael Olaf company for toys...though their website is not very user friendly. Thanks everyone for all of your interest and support in our process:)
http://www.michaelolaf.com/JCcontents.html
Sunday, March 20, 2011
Updates
Hi All! So, by now you all know that John and I are expecting a baby. Everyone has a lot of questions so I thought I'd provide a little update. The birthparents are Caucasian and from CT....the very situation we never thought we'd be in! The birthmother is 35 and the birthfather is in his early 40's. The baby is due sometime in the next couple of weeks though the exact due date is unknown. The birthmom did not have much prenatal care. She has given two other healthy babies up for adoption. She had an ultrasound last week and the baby is healthy but they could not determine the gender because of the way the baby is positioned. The birthmom does not want to meet us. We met with the birthfather last week. He was a great guy and has a lot in common with John. He has three other children from a previous marriage and was dating the birthmom when she got pregnant. He is not in a position to provide adequate care for a child and believes adoption is the right course. We plan to have a semi-open adoption....providing pictures and letters a couple times a year and perhaps a visit every couple of years.
We are all prepared! We have all of our essentials in place and ready to go. Wednesday will be my last day at school (there is no school thursday and friday). I plan to stay home with our child for as long as it is financially possible.
The adoption cost $25,000. We will have two post-placement visits and the finalization will be in 6 months.
Finally, yeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee:) We're going to be parents!
We are all prepared! We have all of our essentials in place and ready to go. Wednesday will be my last day at school (there is no school thursday and friday). I plan to stay home with our child for as long as it is financially possible.
The adoption cost $25,000. We will have two post-placement visits and the finalization will be in 6 months.
Finally, yeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee:) We're going to be parents!
Monday, February 28, 2011
Approved!
We got approved for a personal loan:) The interest rate is not fantastic but it is a big step in the right direction!
Friday, February 25, 2011
DCF Adoption - Our reasons for waiting...
Hi All. I know that many of you out there are wondering why John and I have not chosen DCF foster/adoption. It is, after all, free and comes with many benefits. We spent a good amount of time discussing this option and decided that we want to go this route for our second adoption. DCF foster to adoption can be a very painful process. DCF always has the best interest of the child and the child's birth family as their primary goal - which is of course what they should be doing! They are actively working to reunite a baby with it's biological family. When you foster these babies, you need to go into it being emotionally prepared to relinquish that baby for up to 6 months. I have heard success stories but recognize that the pain of giving up a child that has been in my home for several months may be too much for me. Though you can never predict what is going to happen in the future, we would like our first baby to be a sure-thing. We experienced too much loss already with all of the miscarriages. John and I fully intend to adopt a second child (probably an older child) through DCF in the future as well as opening our home (when we have a slightly larger one) to foster children.
A Difficult Week
Yes, it has been a difficult week. John and I finally got our paperwork squared away with one of our adoption agencies in Utah a couple of weeks ago. Almost immediately, we got a phone call about an African American baby due to be born the next week. The fee was $16,000 + the cost of the birth (another $6000). The next day we got the call that the birthmom did not choose us. We were sad, but we were prepared for this call...we've gotten it a couple of times. The next day we got another call. The available baby was 3/4 Caucasian and 1/4 AA....bringing the price to $22,000 + $9000 for the birth (because it was a planned C-section). Yes, the price increased by $6000 because the baby was nearly white! I told the social worker that John and I couldn't afford $31,000 and she said, "Okay, so we'll only be looking for full African American babies born vaginally for you." All of a sudden I felt sick. Paying a price based on the race of the child? It felt like a market. John and I both feel that it is racist and morally reprehensible. We decided that we would look for an agency that does not charge based on the race of the child. The problem is, after hours and hours of searching, we realized that all of those agencies are too expensive for us. Not only are they more expensive, but we've found that most agencies want their money in one big lump sum. There are no adoption agency payment plans:( We just don't have $25k sitting in the bank...not even close. If we could pay in installments we could handle it. Most people handle this by getting a home equity loan....but we are not home owners. Saving is tough...we still have student loans and every time we get significantly ahead of the game someone's car dies or we have a flood. I've done a lot of crying this week.
I spent a lot of my time talking to our ct adoption agency about all of our fears this week. Do we max out our 2 credit cards with their high, variable interest rates? We are applying for grants, but our income is actually too high (as a middle class family) to qualify for much. Our social worker asked us to think about race-based fees as an incentive program to find homes for the many AA babies who might otherwise not be adopted. The pool of white families willing to adopt transracially decreases the darker the baby's skin color gets:( It makes me cry if I think about it too much. After much consideration, John and I came to the realization that we will not be able to afford adoption without taking advantage of one of these programs. We have always been open to adopting a baby of any race, we just never thought price would be part of the consideration. We have found a few agencies that are more affordable through their African American adoption program. We still have to pay fairly large lump sums of money plus travel expenses and birthmother expenses. The birthmom expenses can range from $1000 - $10,000 depending on what she asks for. These expenses are payed to the birthmom when she is matched with you and do not get refunded if she changes her mind after giving birth:/ We have to decide how much money we are prepared to lose. We can't afford to lose more than a couple thousand (well, really, we can't afford to lose ANY money). The agency will only match us with birthmoms that need less than $2000 for their living expenses.
John and I applied for a personal loan today at a fixed interest rate of 13%. We'll find out if we were approved in a couple of days. This is really our only option for having ready access to $20k or more with only a few days to a few weeks notice.
Adoption has become so expensive and complicated. The stress that this process causes can be nearly unbearable. I really wish that my reproductive system worked properly....it would be so much easier.
On a positive note....our nursery is nearly ready and waits only for a baby to make it complete:) I know that this process will pay off in the end and we will NEVER take our child for granted. I know that John and I will be great parents....just a little more patience.
I spent a lot of my time talking to our ct adoption agency about all of our fears this week. Do we max out our 2 credit cards with their high, variable interest rates? We are applying for grants, but our income is actually too high (as a middle class family) to qualify for much. Our social worker asked us to think about race-based fees as an incentive program to find homes for the many AA babies who might otherwise not be adopted. The pool of white families willing to adopt transracially decreases the darker the baby's skin color gets:( It makes me cry if I think about it too much. After much consideration, John and I came to the realization that we will not be able to afford adoption without taking advantage of one of these programs. We have always been open to adopting a baby of any race, we just never thought price would be part of the consideration. We have found a few agencies that are more affordable through their African American adoption program. We still have to pay fairly large lump sums of money plus travel expenses and birthmother expenses. The birthmom expenses can range from $1000 - $10,000 depending on what she asks for. These expenses are payed to the birthmom when she is matched with you and do not get refunded if she changes her mind after giving birth:/ We have to decide how much money we are prepared to lose. We can't afford to lose more than a couple thousand (well, really, we can't afford to lose ANY money). The agency will only match us with birthmoms that need less than $2000 for their living expenses.
John and I applied for a personal loan today at a fixed interest rate of 13%. We'll find out if we were approved in a couple of days. This is really our only option for having ready access to $20k or more with only a few days to a few weeks notice.
Adoption has become so expensive and complicated. The stress that this process causes can be nearly unbearable. I really wish that my reproductive system worked properly....it would be so much easier.
On a positive note....our nursery is nearly ready and waits only for a baby to make it complete:) I know that this process will pay off in the end and we will NEVER take our child for granted. I know that John and I will be great parents....just a little more patience.
Monday, December 20, 2010
down and up and down and up
A few days ago we got the official notice that the birthmother mentioned in my previous post did not choose us. Somehow I thought it would have been too good to be true...for it to happen so soon and so close to home:/ Today, our social worker called to tell us that there is another birthmother looking at our album. She gave birth over the weekend to a healthy girl (african american) and will be making her decision over the next week. I reeeeeeeeeelly need to get a bassinet, a car seat and some formula bottles at the very least!!!! This uncertainty causes me to be less prepared than more somehow. We could have a baby next week. or not.
Wednesday, December 1, 2010
When is it okay to get one's hopes up?
So, the paperwork is in and we are now in the waiting stages of the adoption. We have four copies of our album that we have yet to send to Utah because life gets in the way of stuff. In this case, life got in the way of us remembering to make photocopies of our driver's licenses. Ugh. Then yesterday our social worker called us to tell us that a local birthmother was going to view our album at the agency. She will be looking at several albums but naturally our social worker will give ours a little push. The woman is due in JANUARY...that is next month if you can't do the math. She is carrying a girl who is half Caucasian, half African- American. Now, I like to think that this gives John and I an edge since Sonja (my sister) is married to Anthony (who is black) and theIir children are the same racial mix. I feel like I have lived a life in which the words, "try not to get your hopes up" have played a central roll. When is it okay to start getting one's hopes up? I reeeeeealy want to get my hopes up. I wasn't supposed to do it when I was pregnant because it was likely that I would miscarry (I did it anyhow). I want to plan and hope and daydream without the worries of heartbreak. So, yes, my hopes are up...and I can handle it. Now I should probably finish the "big clean" just in case. The house is gross: dog hair, cat hair, dishes, dust, clutter etc. I'll update soon.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)