down and up and down and up

A few days ago we got the official notice that the birthmother mentioned in my previous post did not choose us. Somehow I thought it would have been too good to be true...for it to happen so soon and so close to home:/ Today, our social worker called to tell us that there is another birthmother looking at our album. She gave birth over the weekend to a healthy girl (african american) and will be making her decision over the next week. I reeeeeeeeeelly need to get a bassinet, a car seat and some formula bottles at the very least!!!! This uncertainty causes me to be less prepared than more somehow. We could have a baby next week. or not.

When is it okay to get one's hopes up?

So, the paperwork is in and we are now in the waiting stages of the adoption. We have four copies of our album that we have yet to send to Utah because life gets in the way of stuff. In this case, life got in the way of us remembering to make photocopies of our driver's licenses. Ugh. Then yesterday our social worker called us to tell us that a local birthmother was going to view our album at the agency. She will be looking at several albums but naturally our social worker will give ours a little push. The woman is due in JANUARY...that is next month if you can't do the math. She is carrying a girl who is half Caucasian, half African- American. Now, I like to think that this gives John and I an edge since Sonja (my sister) is married to Anthony (who is black) and theIir children are the same racial mix. I feel like I have lived a life in which the words, "try not to get your hopes up" have played a central roll. When is it okay to start getting one's hopes up? I reeeeeealy want to get my hopes up. I wasn't supposed to do it when I was pregnant because it was likely that I would miscarry (I did it anyhow). I want to plan and hope and daydream without the worries of heartbreak. So, yes, my hopes are up...and I can handle it. Now I should probably finish the "big clean" just in case. The house is gross: dog hair, cat hair, dishes, dust, clutter etc. I'll update soon.

Oh so much work:/

Ahhhh....Adoption is so much work! All I want to do is go out and buy baby stuff like pregnant people do:( Our homestudy has been officially complete for a few weeks now but the work never ends. Our agency wants us to work with 2 other out of state agencies (since there are very few babies available in CT). We chose an agency in Utah and have yet to choose our second one. The agency fees are $18,000-40,000, which does not include travel, etc. Our CT agency asked us to make 3 copies of our adoption album, one for them and the two others for the two other agencies. As it turns out, our album is too big (we made it 12x12) for the agency in Utah....they want FOUR copies of an 81/2 x 11 album, all laminated and spiral bound. Argh...after all that work:( So, last night I spent a few hours making a proper sized album that I don't like nearly as much as our originals. Now I have to bring it to staples to have it color photo copied, laminated and bound into 4 copies...which I expect to cost a fortune! In addition, we have a shit-load of paperwork to do for the new agency. AND we still have to choose a third agency:/ We really liked an agency we found in Texas but they require medical documentation of inability to conceive. Apparently, inability to carry a child is not enough. We found one we liked in Mississippi but they have not returned our calls in a timely manner...which is not a good sign. This is why people adopt from overseas.

I know we'll get through all of this stuff and it will all be worth it in the end, but some days it feels very unfair. I recently found out that another of my friends is pregnant and I just broke down and cried. I know life is not fair and I am pretty certain that there is no greater plan out there...you take the hand you are dealt and make it work the best you can. I'm learning to limit the self-pity. I have had many difficulties throughout my life but many people have experienced far worse. I am thankful to have been born with so much strength (thanks mommy). I also have so much to be grateful for....mostly that I have had the freedom and ability to live my life based on my principles and priorities. So, that being said, I can say that I work hard for what I have...which makes me appreciate what I have that much more. I can say that I will never take my (eventual) children for granted...they are too hard to come by!

Now, while I have some free time, I'm going to go out and buy some baby stuff like pregnant people do:)

Baaaaaad Blogger!

Oy! As it turns out, I am not very good at blogging:/ It involves thinking and typing and personality and a sense of humor...things that are sort of hard to come by some days:) Our adoption stuff got put on the back burner for a few weeks as John healed from his epic (forgive me for the trendy expression) flip over the handlebars of his bike. His collarbone is in great shape...healing very well. One shoulder is a bit shorter and bumpier than the other but hey, it adds character.

Well, we had our second social worker visit this evening and it went very well. Tonight we covered the personal stuff: our relationships with each other, our siblings and parents. We talked about our childhoods, hobbies and religious (or in our case lack of) views. The meeting lasted two hours and was very pleasant. She also asked us how we planned to pay for the adoption...hahahahahahaha. There were some "uuuummmmm," "uhhhhh," and "hmmmmms."

In the interim, between this visit and the last, we got several things accomplished. We got our physicals and the lead encapsulating paint. All of our personal references sent in their paperwork quickly...thank you Chris, Lisa, Kathy and mommy:) We got a new camera and began taking pictures for our albums. We bought 3 scrapbooks and lots of scrapbook sticker thingees. The scrapbooks are the most frightening part of the whole adoption, to tell you the truth. I consider myself a fairly creative person but the idea of scrapbooking overwhelms me in the same way that jewelery making does...there are SOOOO many choices and directions to go in. John and I have come up with a basic organization for the book...I will post photos once I start the book. The letter to the birthmother is also daunting. How do you express how grateful you will be should this woman decide to give you her child? How do you show genuine sympathy for a difficult situation in a letter to someone whom you've never met? The letter had been put off for some time but John and I have finally begun to write it. Perhaps I will share it when we are done?

So, we have a couple of odds and ends to tie up. We need to get our chimney inspected and we forgot to get fingerprinted for our FBI investigation. In two weeks, we have our last visit. After this visit, the waiting begins! We send two of our scrapbooks out of state, one goes to the agency in New London and then we hope and pray that we get a call from a birthmother.

Cleeeeeeeaning...

Our first meeting with the social worker is in half an hour. We have been cleaning all day...hahaha....anyone who knows me well knows I am not a domestic goddess by any stretch of the imagination. The house is cleaner than it has been in at least a year:) It is 100 degrees and we have no AC and the social worker is coming here. I have been walking around with no pants on in order to avoid excessive sweating before she gets here.

So she came and went and all went well:) Our social worker was great! There will be three visits including today over the course of three months. Today's visit was about paperwork and home inspection. Our little home is fine but we do have to test for lead paint. I have no idea what happens if there is lead paint under the the current paint.....there are three hundred years worth of paint on some of these walls! We need to have physicals including TB tests, hand over tax forms ( you get a $14,000 tax credit for adopting), get fingerprinted and cleared by the FBI, and give them all vet records for Panther, Poe and Bob, among many other things. We also signed papers saying that we would never use humiliation or corporal punishment as a means of discipline. If only all potential parents were subject to this much scrutiny:/

Today's payment was $900....that is half of the home-study cost. The study is good for a year in a number of states. The agency we work with encourages it's clients to submit their information to "sister agencies" across the country in order to expedite the process...Florida and Utah are popular places to adopt from for some reason. If a birth-family chooses us from another state, there will be some travel involved. John and I have no racial preference when it comes to the child we adopt. We would love to have a child of any race in our home. Having no race preference also makes the process faster and, believe it or not, less expensive. Once the home-study is done in September, the process should take less than a year. Happy happy me:)

Going forward our focus will be on our "album." This is a scrap book of our home, family and hobbies as well as a letter of thanks to the potential birth parent(s). We neeeed to buy a new camera right now! We have to make several copies of this album to send to different agencies. This album is so important it's scary. A birth mother will choose us based on this album. I need to do some research on the best way to put one together! Any ideas?

John and I really want to thank those friends who have consented to be our personal references. What you are doing is of vital importance to this process....you will be receiving paperwork through the mail in the near future....please try not to spill coffee on it (or tea, in Lisa's case:).

Natasha and John start a blog documenting their adoption process

This Thursday, June 24, 2010, John and I have our first meeting with the social worker to begin our adoption home study.